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[Nov. 24th, 2009|11:09 am] |
I should be singing the "I need sex NAOW" song, but, unlike in the past, I seem to be holding up pretty damn well. Whooooda thunk.
I'm spending Thanksgiving in New York (upstate), taking care of my grandmother. She came home from the nursing home/hospital on Halloween, after 4 months of shuffling back and forth between the two. She's bedridden, incontinent, and oxygen-dependent. Sometimes she has blinding flashes of lucidity, but most of the time she's confused and muddled, EXCEPT when she's ordering me around to cook something for her. I just got back from a weekend stint with her, and I don't know how her regular live-in aid does it. After two nights, I was bushed. But it's nice spending time with her and being there for her. It's sad and hard--I thought I would go to pieces the first time I had to help her use the bathroom--but it didn't freak me out or make me as sad as I thought it would...it's just a necessity at this point with her. We're all surprised she made it this far, so I guess everything else is just minor details.
Also driving my dad around a lot and working odd shifts at the library, so I've been keeping myself occupied of late.
I'm excited to possibly see my fwends before I leave for NY, and I'm kinda pissed that I won't get to see you all very much before I leave. Poo.
Drastically cut my nicotine intake. Taking care of a woman with COPD and oxygen tanks helps a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
She's not coming back.
I'm not looking back, either.
I'm better this week than last week, definitely. Smith helped. Springfield Drink Club helped. My parents really helped. Impromptu 80s dance parties with Gina helped. My friends helped. A lot.
So thanks. I've had a lot of support, and it's not like someone died or anyone has cancer or something horribly tragic, but it's nice to know that people will push their own shit aside and listen to me cry and whine and yell for a few minutes, and offer a nugget or two of advice, or hugs, or Skype hugs and laughs.
I've been hanging with a lot of Springfield people lately, and more notably, a lot of Springfield people I never hung out with in high school. But I feel like after college, what we did in high school doesn't matter so much. We never talked then, but yeah, we'll talk over a beer now, because what else is there to do here? It's strange, what four years away does to someone when they come back. It sure makes for interesting times.
There's not a whole lot else. Econ class is going swimmingly. Job search is dismal, but I'm getting by, even with loans coming due. I'm getting really excited for Thailand, even though I don't really hear anything about it until spring. I just want to go and do some traveling and discovering new places/myself. I'm so pumped.
I picked up some Teach Yourself French multimedia at the library. I'm determined to be a motherfucking (madarchod for all you Hindi speakers) polyglot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|12:32 am] |
She broke up with me.
Please God let this be like that part in "Frida" where Salma Hayek goes crazy and paints on her walls and cuts off her hair after Diego leaves her. And then Diego comes back and they get remarried, and then she dies from cancer or something.
Please let her come back. |
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| Perhaps its a whiny entry. |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|06:35 pm] |
Had my hoo-hah biopsied at Dartmouth on Friday. Hopefully it's nothing serious. I hear back sometime in the near future. I wasn't paying attention when the resident/ob-gyn talked to me, since I'd taken one too many ativan to compensate for nerves. So now my mother's convinced I have a prescription-drug problem. And a drinking problem. Truth be told, I'm just bored, miserable, listless, borderline panic-attacky. It comes/goes in waves. ANYONE in this situation would feel the same way. Permanent employment would help. I've got *another* interview at Dartmouth tomorrow (I've been up there more in the past month than in any other period of my life, barring Gina's open-heart surgeries when I was little), wish me luck.
I realized today that I seem to be losing my academic drive. I should theoretically study for the GRE and possibly, you know, scheduling myself to take it sometime soon, but I sort of feel like education is a joke. I spent four years busting my brain, chain-smoking, getting wrinkles and ulcers, to get a damn degree, and I feel like it's gotten me nowhere. Yeah, I've only been out for three months, but the prospect of going back, while I know it IS the RIGHT path, daunts me. Will it be worth it? Will I feel like I've LEARNED something, or will I just be further in the hole?
Thailand cannot come soon enough. This feels like stagnation. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|10:58 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | dork. | ] |
| [ | feelin' |
| |  accomplished | ] |
On textsfromlastnight someone mentioned that they only knew the definition of "antidote" from playing pokemon. And then I saw this comment in the forum:
Anonymous said...
Pokemon is the shit, but honestly, who the fuck doesn't know what "antidote" means? BTW 12:32, Brock was way more bang-able than Ash.
September 23, 2009 2:18PM
Damn straight.
In other news, Amy drank wayyyy too many brewskies last night and managed to 1.) become best bros with Michelle's dad, 2.) yell at the TV at Windsor Station for not making the Red Sox win, and 3.) sing Black-Eyed Peas songs at the top of her lungs on the ride home. The guy I went out with is a saint for DDing my ass, AND talking to me in the morning. |
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| And it feels like I never left high school |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|11:54 am] |
And here I sit. Back working the circulation desk of the town library. It feels like 2005. The same people, the same place, the same eclectic mix of patrons. Things are different, I am different, surely, but it's almost a deja vu. Excepting the fact that I'm $20,000 in the hole, have a degree and a smoking habit, the last four years could've never taken place. Or so it feels.
The job search in Vermont continueth.
My economics class starts next week (I finally got the book yesterday, whew).
My Ma and I went on the South Beach Diet this morning, and though I swore to myself that I'd never do it, I'm putting Sweet 'N Low in my coffee (and I'm drinking coffee now, which I never thought I'd do, either). I can't belive I'm depriving myself of fruit and bread and wine, even if it's only for a fortnight.
My doctor put me on Zoloft. Just like that. I mentiond anxiety and trouble sleeping, and she said, "Well, let's try an SSRI." Just like that. I always thought I was too good for pills, that my brain worked fine, thank you very much, but who knows. Life is stressful and anxiety runs in the family. Maybe it was time. Hopefully it helps.
It's starting to feel like fall, even though it's only September first. After Virginia, Vermont in general feels like fall. I like it. We'll see where this fall takes me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2009|01:56 am] |
It's my last night in Virginia with Aimee. I just puked for a good long while, and had some sort of anxiety attack on top of that. It's two in the morning. I'm bunked down in the guest room for fear of waking Aimee up, since she has job training at fucking DAWN. And I have a 10+ hour car-ride with Bob very soon.
Emo Amy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|11:09 am] |
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Thailand hobags put me and Aimee on a waitlist, so we might not go till May. The prospect of being in Springfield until May makes me want to shoot myself. Repeatedly. I'm going home on Friday. Ugh. |
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| lalalala-lalalala. |
[Jul. 20th, 2009|08:35 pm] |
Hey, it's good news time!
I'm going to Thailand in October to teach English to little kiddies for a year. With Aimee.
Also, I think I'm coming back to Vermont for about six weeks to get medical things and visa things arranged, and to spend time with my Ma and teach her (gasp) how to use a computer. It'll be fun. If anyone's around Springfield slash won't mind me coming up to Burlington to visit with them (coughMichelleandEthancoughcoughhack), then let me know, as I will be BORED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND. |
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| updateupdateupdate |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|09:01 pm] |
I've done a complete 180 in my life plans this week.
I came down to Virginia to get a respectable white-collar job in Washington, save up for a deposit on an apartment in Washington, move into said apartment with Bushman, and start paying off my college loans.
What ended up happening, fifty job applications and no call backs later, is that I'm working at Uncle Fred's BBQ in Winchester VA (read the reviews, this guy knows BBQ) with Bushman (yeah waitressing duo!), saving up the meager amount of money I make for that, and hopefully going to Thailand in October (again, with Bushman) to teach English to little respectful Thai children for twelve months (we get paid--not enough to pay off loans, but enough to travel the region) and thus achieve my dream of a fabulous Southeast Asian tour. The application process isn't too bad...I'm just waiting on letters of rec. from professors. This barbecue job serves the purpose of paying for my ticket to Thailand.
So. If this all comes to fruition I will once again be forstalling the inevitable (huge college loans to repay), but I will HOPEFULLY ride out this shit-tastic economy and will come back with international experience and teaching experience, both of which will supplement my resume nicely.
Not what I would've seen myself doing a month ago. I love my life and its unpredictability.
Also, we went to the World Foundation for Children's Volunteer Farm this morning, and picked 30 lbs of peas that will go to the Blue Ridge Food Bank. Not only did we do some good deeding, we met the most fabulous Virginian farmer, and I have no idea what he said due to his amazing down country accent. But he knows his crops.
On the sad front, my grandmother is in the hospital with a raging kidney infection that went to her brain, lung problems, and very little mental activity. We don't know if she'll make it. I'm praying, in my own agnostic way.
Also, I have that new Sean Kingston song stuck in my head. Something something shorty fire burnin' on the dance floor...whoaaaa. It's annoying but secretly I like it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2009|02:09 pm] |
That thing happened. The thing where C. Christ shook my hand and handed me a diploma and congratulated me and my entire family cried and I wore a black, shapeless sack and listened to Pomp and Circumstance and now they call me an alumna.
I'm wearing ugly sweats and I have a rather boyish and juvenile haircut that I should get fixed. I haven't driven a car in months. I feel very young. I feel younger than I did yesterday. It's strange.
I'm home for a week and then some, and then I catch a train down to Virginia. If any Springfieldians want to do something, um please let me know. (Did you drunk dial me yesterday, Samancha?) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|09:50 am] |
This weekend was packed.
Guster concert at UNH on Thursday (amazing, except for the 10829483240802312321 drunk annoying girls there),
Big Shopping Day For Wedding on Friday,
Kendra's wedding on Saturday (equally if not more amazing than the Guster concert, as there were Canadians and a bonfire),
and...Senior Banquet last night. Terrifying. My senior superlative was "most likely to attain enlightenment while teaching a squirrel the alternate altissimo fingerings on clarinet." Of course I am.
I bought lots of business and business casual clothes on Friday. I feel like I can successfully fake being a young professional. Eep.
Oh. Also. Decemberists concert this weekend at Amherst. :] |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|06:29 pm] |
DECEMBERISTS.
AMHERST.
APRIL 24.
I'M SO EXCITED.
=) |
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| quote plus life update. |
[Mar. 30th, 2009|02:40 pm] |
From the Times of India:
The US government last week said crude storage facilities were brimming with more oil than they've had in 16 years. Combined with the strategic petroleum reserve, the nation now has 1.05 billion barrels of oil in storage - enough to fuel roughly 44 million cars for a year.
"You can't swing a cat without hitting a barrel of crude oil in the United States,'' analyst Stephen Schork said in his daily markets report on Monday.
~~
...Greatest quote ever. The article was boring and informative blah blah blah, but the goddamn cat quote made my day. The imagery. Perfect.
So. New plan. I think Bushman and I are moving in with her parents in Virginia when we graduate, and then looking for employment, if not already found, without the added stress of paying for rent, and then we'll apartment-hunt in DC. This helped calm me down a bit. Still smoking. Still jobless. But that's okay. Both situations will improve. Plus I'm eating a lot of carrots and broccoli. |
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| tick tock |
[Mar. 27th, 2009|09:54 pm] |
| [ | playin' |
| | the format - time bomb | ] |
Spring = animal sex. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|04:55 pm] |
I'm going to quit smoking. Wish me luck.
Balls. =/ |
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| general update |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|12:30 pm] |
I made mochi today for the first time in two years, because it turns out that someone didn't steal the pie plate I bought for this purpose and left here when I went abroad. Very splendid.
The semester's going...all right, I guess. It's hard to find a rhythm that incorporates keeping myself physically and mentally well, staying on top of my reading, and additionally searching for jobs and churning out cover letters before deadlines. The first two I can manage--the third I do when I can or when I'm so overtaken by the fear of unemployment that I can't concentrate. I applied to the Department of Defense for a glorified secretary position. The federal government's website is confusing and very impersonal and I don't see why they can't spruce it up a bit and make it more user-friendly. They do own our souls now, after all.
Had dinner with Peter Gregory (Buddhism professor) and several girls from the India trip on Thursday night, and learned about a Mongolian Buddhism conference here at Smith in March. I registered and volunteered to help out with it. Excited. I also learned that Mikaela's a photographer for Sexhibition ("I shot some naked people yesterday...I was naked out of solidarity,"), so I told her I'd call her when Aimee and I do our shoot. Double excited.
Dad and Laurie and Sam are coming down next weekend for that Arrogant Worms show in Connecticutttt and then crashing in Aimee's room at Smith. It'll be interesting.
It's snowing again. Goddamn. |
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